Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
