I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
