thus making me awesome and them whores
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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