i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
