The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
