Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
