Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
