yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
