Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
