my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am naked and annoyed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
