turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
time to smoke my breakfast
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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