I'm lost and stupid without you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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