your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
