If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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