That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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