u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
