I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
