dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
