Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
