Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
