I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
