just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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