Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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