Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
