Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
