You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
