Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
