i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
