apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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