dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
