We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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