I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
