I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
