that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
