dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
