Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
