dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
