he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dicks are not precious.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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