I showed him my bush... on skype.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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