I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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