I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
