and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
