Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im holly from the hills drunk
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
