Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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