Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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