Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
