I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
