i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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