So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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