Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
