When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
