i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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