he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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