Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
and you fell through a lawn chair
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize