Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
