Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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