I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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