there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
