I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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