I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize