Pants 0. Shit 1.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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