I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize