I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
