just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
