She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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