You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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