Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
