That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
