am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
