I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
