How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
