There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
