I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
