but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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