i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Girls should come with a carfax report
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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